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JThe Manifesto of Thelonious Funk

"It takes years of trance-like game playing in a blessed grotto or sweetly incensed tabernacle to touch the philosopher's stone of arcade-induced satori."

Recorded by Thelonious Funk in the year 1277 A.F. (After Funk)

With the help of fresh tees & gear, FJ wants all Earthpeople to realize their own funk-a-licious inner-booty. To achieve this, the Funk Jungle has developed the scientific field of 'Retrobotics'. This new discipline has yielded discoveries so funktastic that few mortal minds can comprehend. Vague, cryptic terms must be used in describing Retrobotics to the uninitiated.

FJ's Retrobotic laboratory.

Deep underground in the freshest of research labs, FJ scientists isolate Funktonium: a super-freak element with funktastic properties. These esteemed scientists dedicate themselves to FJ's pursuit of hip clothes.

Our highest goal is to make intergalactic, extraterrestrial contact with funked-up beings in hopes that humankind may benefit from their super funky selves. So far we have only forged communication with space cowboys but FJ remains hopeful.

Ancient Teachings of the F-Ching

Recorded by Thelonious Funk in the year 1277 A.F. (After Funk)

"Those with inner peace know fresh tees. Those without inner peace...no fresh tees. Rockin' funktastic tees is the way of the grasshopper. Knowing your inner-booty is the way of the lotus blossom."

Do not mistake detachment from the trivial games of the ego for coldness. Cold Chillin' is a state of acceptance of the unfolding NOW: a state of stillness & inner strength. When faced with hard times, hold fast to the center - the still eye of a turbulent storm.

All is illusion until a double necked guitar is heard. The wise rocker knows that they do not play the guitar - the guitar plays them. This is the paradox of duality - the divide between mind & body. Do you really think the 6 string & 12 string necks are separate? They are of the same guitar: just as you are a child of the universe, not divorced from the cosmic plan. Know this at all times & time will cease to exist. Liberation from the world of illusion & games can be had by those who swing their arm around the world three hundred and sixty degrees when playing arena rock.

Be not afraid of skids. Do you think you are the first to wear holes through the hollow plastic wheels of your big wheel? You are not the first nor will you be the last for the sun & moon rise & set on countless souls illuminated by the light of pedal power.

Tassels dance from the ends of your hand grips & a clear mind will delight in such things. Such pleasures in life are perennial as the changing leaves of autumn. Let your heart lead you for it is a noble compass. The landscape of love is a vast bounty whose only thorns are sown by thy own hand.

In you dealings with others strive for openness.

Do you think the world can be changed for the better? Rulers through space & time have all failed in this noble quest. If dwelling in a democracy you should vote, for it is your karmic duty to participate in the dualistic games of ego & power that rule the day. But do so without attachment for there is no political solution to life's struggles. Why then do we hope for revolution? It is a revolution of the mind. The revolution of the DJ scratch can set free the pure of heart.

On the subject of Glitter:

Wise beyond her tender years a disco diva, Alexis Meteor, once said "I wear glitter on the outside to show how I feel on the inside." Word. 'Illuminated' 'Enlightened' 'Bright' -all words for mortal souls who truly shine. Be a shining star with funktastic glitter.

Though the elders forbade us of idol worship, we must give them their props. Honor them in song & prayer & four finger ring bling tees. R.I.P. all you MC's

Be as the unmarked canvas of a painter - open to possibilities yet aware of your purpose. When the wisdom of the funk is acquired, a dam breaks and creativity flows outward. Decisions of substance & style are best left to the individual.

Wise sages are inconspicuous. They know the ways of Caesar's empire. Concealment of enlightenment is the best course. Funk is the truest path - the voice of the tribe.

"Keepin' it Reel" this is the mantra of Retrobotic sages & mystics of far away lands. A mantra is passed in confidence from master to student.

A mantra is repeated for centering & inner strength - it must never be shared with another soul for it is your own.

Roll over the computer below to receive your personal mantra from Thelonious Funk.

Earth child, Meditate upon the mantra you have just received and soon you will earn your first merit badge in the field of Retrobotics.

In hopes that you discover your inner-booty,